Friday, 30 July 2010

The Party

Hans and Chloe had seen the posters on their way to Ms Baxter’s house for the party. They weren’t exactly sure what to make of them, under bright red, bold lettering saying ‘Don’t Do Ducks’ was a picture of a Mallard sporting a very surprised expression on its face. Chloe thought it was a little tasteless, whereas Hans spent more time wondering what on Earth had motivated PC Plod to put these up.
Thus when they got to the party, they headed straight in his direction. Well, they would have done if Crazy Dave hadn’t stopped them in their tracks.
Although the name tended to give it away to most people, Hans had to have it explained to him that Dave was the village nut case and conspiracy theorist extraordinaire.
“Hi guys, I’ve got a case I think you might be interested in,” said Dave silently to they wouldn’t be overheard.
“Go on,” said Hans reluctantly, he’d learnt since moving here that it was best to let Dave rattle of whatever nonsense he was going to tell them.
“Shapeshifters!” exclaimed Dave, “My secret source tells me there’s some on the way up to Avysmere.”
“Shapeshifters?” questioned Chloe, “And what makes you think that’s true?”
“Oh, I trust my source,” Dave replied defensively, “he said one of their leaders was coming, Mao or something like that.”
“Dave, Mao was a Chinese Communist not a shapeshifter!” exclaimed Chloe, “this wasn’t the same source who told you the Queen and all the royal family are trans-dimensional lizards who are on Earth for the sole reason of eating your feet?”
“Ssh, they might be listening, I don’t want them to know that I know that,” said Dave quietly, “So will you look into it?”
“Okay Dave, we’ll look into it, see you later,” said Hans, anxious to get away from him.
They made a b-line for PC Plod and this time got their unmolested.
“Hello,” said PC Plod cheerfully.
“Hi,” replied Hans. “It might just be me but aren’t you guys supposed to say that three times?”
“Well, we only reserve that for when we are about to arrest someone,” Sherman replied, “Why have you done something I should know about?”
Hans decided to move the conversation on. After all in course of his investigative activities he had broken into several houses amongst other things.
“So what’s with the new poster campaign then Sherman?” asked Chloe
“Oh I got sent them via courier post, part of our latest campaign,” explained Sherman, “We’re having a crackdown on the illegal duck smuggling traffic. I mean I know its hardly the most glamorous initiative ever, but its so deadly. Because of it tens of thousands die each year from consuming illegal ducks. It seems into run down communities and before you know it have duck dealers everywhere, outside pubs and in school playgrounds. It’s a multi-billion dollar illegal trade, they grow the ducks as far away as Columbia and Afghanistan to smuggle all the way over here, can you believe it?”
Hans was about to answer no, but a loud crash from behind him stopped him in his tracks.
“Oh God, she’s changing,” exclaimed Chloe. Chloe wondered who Susan would be changing into. She’s known Ms Baxter quite a while, after all they had escaped together from the asylum that Chloe had been consigned to when she’d told the police she’d been bitten by a vampire.
When she heard a scream coming from where Susan’s prone body lay, she quickly worked out which personality had asserted itself. It was Tina, who was mortally afraid of the colour yellow, which Ms Baxter had avoided putting anything in her house that colour for the very same reason. It was just her luck that Tina’s personality had to surface when there was a load of cheese in the house.
“Okay, party’s over,” shouted Chloe as the rushed over to calm Tina down.
“You know Susan will go mad if she knows you stayed after she changed,” said Ronnie, urging Sherman to go. As ever Ronnie would have to sort it out, he knew PC Plod meant well, but his Mum would blame it on him if when she changed back to Susan she found him here. At least Chloe was here to help him out, his Mum trusted her for some reason he didn’t know. It was like they were old friends but they’d never go out during the daytime like any of his friends Mums did with their friends.